You only have to look at TripAdvisor for proof that one person’s hotel from heaven is another person’s hotel from hell. Here’s what the Thomson travel writers would wish for if they could own their own hotel…
I’d put bottomless pick ’n’ mix dispensers full of sweets in every room, and employ a member of staff just to remove all the yellow, green and orange ones.
There’d be funky neon lights everywhere, I’d have designed it by Gaudi’s ghost, and Depeche Mode would be playing on loop. I guarantee guests wouldn’t be back year after year, but I’d love it.
I’d install personal poolside mini-bars by each sun lounger, stocked with ice-cold drinks and tasty snacks. Because sometimes even the short walk to the pool bar is too much effort for me.
I’d employ Facebook and Twitter experts to help you make the most of your holiday bragging. They’d make sure that all your friends, contacts and colleagues were green with envy as well as knowing how often you’d been in the pool and how many cocktails you’d sunk.
It would be a Peter Pan kind of place, where adults didn’t have to be grown-up. There would be a pool, where you could bomb if you wanted to. The facilities list would include adult space hoppers, a soft play area for grown-ups, and ball pools. You could eat ice cream for all your courses at dinner. And you could slide down the banisters rather than using the stairs.
I’d turn the place into a homage to the 1920s. There’d be Art Deco interiors throughout, and days would revolve around afternoon tea on the lawn and cocktails on the terrace. The women would flounce around in their flapper dresses, the men would look dapper in their well-tailored suits. And generally, we’d all look like we’d fallen out of the pages of The Great Gatsby. Chin chin to that, I say.
Every group of guests would get their own personal photographer. They’d be on hand to capture all those magical holiday moments, and they’d use their expert skills (and possibly a bit of Photoshop!) to make sure everyone looked bronzed and beautiful in every shot.
I would build a temple for the senses. It would be decorated in butter-soft leather, 200+ thread count Egyptian cotton, and acres of velvet. Of course, the restaurant would be gourmet. And as I’m a total perfumista, it would be divided up into scent zones. Candles at the ready.